my meanderings

i guess it was never meant to be..

i wish
by rachel anne

i wish you’d come
and take this pain away
will you support me
as i start to sway?

please catch me
as i fall
will you heed me
when i call?

please hold me
before i topple over
hug me tight
and tell me it’s not over

whisper in my ears
you love me
that together, you and i
were meant to be

by rachel anne

listen to the sound of my heart beating
listen as it tells you how i’m feeling

understand the way i feel
and know that it is real

know that i am sincere
for you, my love, i’ll persevere

you’ll forever be in my heart
even though we’re far apart

you have touched the core of my being
and it is only you that my heart is seeking

hehe..kulit jd au ka dri love..hahaha! mwah! nice work..i love you silly!

i’ve never felt a love so strong. something that i want to fight for. something that i want to last forever. cliche but true.

we are far apart. yet i feel his presence in my life as if he were by my side. he’s by my side when i need him. he cares for me. he keeps me company when i’m all alone. he comforts me like nobody else can. he listens when i want to talk. he opened up to me like nobody else does. telling me all about his life. i feel as if i’m a part of him. a part of his life. just as he is a part of mine.

he’s 6 years older than me. he knows more than i do. he opens up my eyes to the things i never knew. he makes me see how naive i’ve been. he made me see my mistakes. he helps me grow. he helps me understand the world.

i think i have been blessed to come to know such a man. i learn a lot from him. he’s smart. smarter than the people i usually meet. he’s read a lot of books and remembers them. he’s like my grandfather in a way. reading all kinds of books. remembering and learning from what he reads. i admire that of him.

he knows his craft well. he learns fast. when he wants to do something, he learns things by himself. he shows me his work and i see how fast he’s learned and how wonderful his work is. i admit, i envy him in his creativity and in his drive to learn new things.

his memory. God blessed him with such a wonderful memory. he remembers most everything. i envy that of him. i envy the way he can remember his past memories as if it were yesterday. telling me of all the details. how wonderful it would be to have such a memory. i, unfortunately, don’t have that. i easily forget.

i’ve never met a man who takes on responsibilities even when it’s not explicitly given to him. he takes it on as it is innately part of his duty of being a son, a brother, an uncle, and last but not least as a boyfriend.

the son. he has been quite a big help to his father. he takes care of his father well. he’s always there when his father needs him. he’s compromised a lot of things for the sake of his dad. wouldn’t a father be proud to have a son like him?

the brother. he’s a good brother. he takes care of his younger sister. he helps her in any way he can. he listens when she wants to talk or rant about something. he checks up on his brother’s family. making sure they’re alright. helping them when they need the help.

the uncle. this guy isn’t just an uncle to his nieces and nephews. he’s a friend to them. he takes care of them..protects them. they all like spending time with him. i guess it’s because they have lots of fun with him around.

the boyfriend. he’s not only my boyfriend. he’s a friend to me. he takes good care of me. he accompanies me when i’m all alone. he talks to me when i need to be pushed into doing something that’s good for me. he listens to me when i need him to. he does things for me. he loves me for who i am. he makes me feel important. he makes me feel like a woman. he has made me a part of his life.

ahh..there’re still a lot of things i want to say. a lot of things that i can’t explain. i cannot put into words everything about him. he means more to me than anybody else. he’s the man i love. the man i always think about all throughout the day and night. the man i care about most deeply. someone i would like to take care of…to protect…to share my life with. he’s someone i can to talk to about anything that comes to mind. he’s someone i can just be with in silence and feel content..happy.

who might this man be? well, i’d like for you to meet MIGUEL. the man i love.

i’ve been so busy for the past week. i had my first week of training at exist. ahh..it’s fun. it’s challenging. i enjoy being challenged. but then again, it keeps me sooooo busy. i so need to organize my time schedule. tsk! but then again, the pleasures of life tempts me so. even if i allot a specific number of hours for my fave thing to do, i’d always end up exceeding that time limit. i should discipline myself, yes. but..here i go again..with all the BUTs i can come up with. hehe! i’m really so addicted to the internet. i can’t help it. it’s sort of my lifeline. hehe! i really do need to figure out how i can do all the things that i NEED to do and all the things that i LOVE doing.

you are:

the silly bear to my tigger
the king to my queen
the knight to my princess

you are my first smile in the morning
you are my first thought when i wake up

you are my last smile in the evening
you are my last thought before i go to sleep

it started out to be you and me. you are a separate being from me. but then lately, you are seeping your way into my system. you are slowly becoming a part of me. do you know that? i hope you do.

i’ve been feeling something i’m not sure i should be feeling. should i give in to the feeling? or should i not? should i just listen to what my mind says? or listen to my heart? a lot of things are on my mind but this feeling just won’t go away. it makes me feel light hearted. it makes me feel like i’m in bliss. should i just let go and let things flow on its own? am i ready to face the risks that will come with it? i don’t know and i won’t know for sure. but will i ever know if i’m ready? i don’t think so. i think i’d just have to take the plunge. but not yet. not now. maybe later.